Why you should have a dream life that scares you

Picture from Sugarloaf Mountain, Rio de Janerio, Brazil
(4 min read)
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A friend I spoke to recently asked me if I had a vision of what I wanted 5, 10 or even 15 years from now.

5, 10 or 15 years? That’s a long time away.

I dissed at his question, telling him that I could jolly well be dead by then. So why plan for something that may not even come true?

His reply was simple but purposeful, ”well, I could be dead 10 hours from now.”

In that moment, I understood what he was trying to tell me - envisioning what we want makes that life real. And it also allows us to take clear actions towards it. We are able to set specific goals and that gives us focus. It gives commitment to the dream.

I was intrigued by his question. I seriously started asking myself what the vision of my dream life is.

​Envisioning your dream life should be a daunting process

​I started picturing how my life looked like 5 years from now. However, instead of it being vague and conceptual, I forced myself to crystallise every single detail and did my best to fill every single nook with contents.

The process was crazy hard for me. In fact, it scared me to a large extent.

It scared me because the life I declared I wanted became extremely real. It was no longer just a concept; it became real in my mind. It was akin to watching a movie of my life on a big screen and seeing every single detail right in front of my eyes was surreal.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? Why would I be scared of the thing I thought I had always desired? 

And then it dawned on me – I was scared of seeing the details clearly because I wasn’t sure if I could really get there.

We think that we aren’t good enough for our dreams

I was fearful of committing to my dreams because it comes with huge responsibilities. It comes with declarations and deliberate choices. Instead of putting the responsibilities on my circumstances and environments, I realised that my life is indeed, in my own hands.

That realisation was a big deal to accept. I have no more backdoor and excuses to give. If I say I want the dream life I desire, I must then take active steps towards it. I can’t use the victim card anymore; there is no one else or no other situations I can “blame” should I not achieve my dream life.

It was really hard to swallow. And of course, really scary.

But the most ridiculous thing I realised is this - I had already set myself up for failure before even going for my dream. The number one rule to the game isn’t even fulfilled – I don’t trust myself enough to even commit to my dreams.

How can I ever fulfill my dreams if I think that I’m not good enough to achieve them? 

We are often our own biggest critic and are paradoxically experts at putting ourselves down. How crazy is that?

You are not alone if you resist envisioning your dream life 

I am pretty sure most of us feel the same way.

How many of us actually have clear visions of the lives that we want? And how many of us subconsciously chose not to have one because deep down, we aren’t willing to stay committed to the cause and we don’t want to feel guilty about letting ourselves down?

Or maybe, we chose a so-called “dream life” that hardly excites us. We convince ourselves that this is the best that we can get.

But how is that even a dream? Dreams are supposed to give us heart palpitations. Dreams are supposed to be exciting and motivating. How is a mediocre life inspiring?

By not having a vision, we also allow ourselves a backdoor – we don’t have to take responsibility of our lives. Instead, we can easily blame circumstances for not allowing us to live the lives we want. It’s always easier to play the victim role because it takes a lot less effort.

Or maybe, we actually think that we aren’t good or worthy enough for our own dreams, and dreaming about it is futile since we can never get there.

Or perhaps, thinking about our dream lives actually requires us to be honest about the lives we lead now, and that is something we aren’t willing to reflect on at this point in time.

Change is always something intimidating to us.

You are deserving of big dreams and they are supposed to make you feel scared

Here’s the thing that I have and will always advocate: You are deserving of a life well-lived. You are deserving of big dreams.

We should really love ourselves more and stop short-changing ourselves in life. We really don’t want to come to the end of life’s journey and regret the things we didn’t do, because that will be a really sad situation to be in.

So what’s your dream life like and does thinking about it make you feel super scared? If it doesn’t stir emotions in you, you really need to honestly ask yourself what’s stopping you from dreaming big. But if it does, you know you’re on the right path.

Remember, the scarier the dream, the better it is :)

Summary:

1) Dreams are meant to be scary. They should stir emotions in us. The more emotions it stirs, the better it is.

2) Start envision your dream by giving yourself a time frame – start with 5 years.

3) The more detailed the dreams, the more we can see what specific actions to take.

4) We are deserving of big dreams, because we are deserving of the best life.

5) We are in charge of our dreams. The idea is to get started now.

Are you sitting at the edge of your chair, ready to chase that scary dream you've always had? 
Let's talk and I will be excited to explore your journey with you!